People that do not have kids really have no idea how exhausting it is to be a stay at home Mom. My day is full of amazing wonderful moments that I wouldn’t miss for anything, but it also comes with being purely drained. Every part of me at the end of the day is drained. I have nothing left for my husband, my friends, or myself. I just need to zone out and eat. Although eating at night is not what I should be doing for my healthy living diet. It’s what I want to do.
Let it be known that I adore my wonderful little bugs. They bring me the greatest joy and love that I have every known. That being said, they are also the most work and sacrifice I have imagined. It’s so constant and demanding that there really is no part that feels like the person I was before I had kids.
I was at the park with them today (an enclosed park), and there was a big playgroup that got together there. Lots of singleton Mom’s. They actually looked really trendy for the most part. They didn’t look like a total spaz. Put together for the most part. Although they also had a toddler. Key word: toddler. No plural. One of them started a conversation with me while we were at the sandbox. It lasted the typical Mommy conversation I get to have: Hi, He’s cute, Yes, twins, total shock, 18 months, Nap at the same time, lots of work but total blessings, oh I gotta go get him. Yup. Same questions pretty much everytime. It never gets much beyond that since one of mine usually needs me in some capacity. While those Mom’s just lounge there by the sandbox, or by the swings, or wherever just chatting away about lunch, naps, playtime.
I don’t get any of that conversation. I get to overhear it. I am too busy keeping my eyes on my kids. I swear I feel like my neck is going through whiplash some days. They are just so impossibly fast and they are everywhere all at once.
So to get back on topic: friends, social life, relationships in general. Sorry, I just don’t have the energy. Imagine a day starting the moment you are awoken at 5:30 until you can put them to sleep at 7:30 with a possible 1 hr break (maybe 2 hrs on a good day) in between where you are constantly doing something for someone(s) else. Constantly. I haven’t even mentioned cleaning up after said beings.
I miss knowing what’s going on in my friends lives. I just can’t help but feel disconnected. It’s like I have anything going on in my life that they can relate to, so it’s basically me listening to what is happening to them. Before having my kids an hour conversation wasn’t a difficult thing, I enjoyed hearing what is going on, but now, with such limited time for myself I don’t want to be near a phone conversation. I don’t want to be in my messy house, looking at all the things I need to do, emails I need to respond to, things I want to look up and try follow a conversation.
This makes me a terrible friend. I am totally aware of this. I feel awful for it, but it is what it is. I didn’t expect to feel so isolated being a Mom. It’s just me and my bugs 5 days a week all day long, with a little bit of the hubs thrown in at the end of the day and some grandparent time for a few hours. This is why I think so many Moms find going back to work to be a better solution for their family. At least then you are given the chance to be you for sometime. I am not given a chance to identify myself in any way other then being my bugs’ Mom.
I also think that lacking friends that have kids makes a big difference in how isolated I feel. The friends I make that have kids are only friends because we both have kids, not because she shares other interests.
We are moving next month and a HUGE part of moving will also be that we are ready to really grow some roots and make long term friendships in that area. Where we currently live has been a temporary thing, so I haven’t wanted to invest much time into forming friendships here. My biggest goal when we move is to find some other twin Mommy’s that we can become friends with and maybe join some playgroups that will work for us. I have to start really getting out and being more social with people that understand what it is like to be home all day with twin toddlers. It’s not the same as a singleton toddler, nor is it the same as someone who has kids at different ages. The fighting, the battles, the teething, learning new things all at the same time makes twins very unique.